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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

More of What Not to Do...

I thought it was time to share some more funny stories from folks who have had "adventures" on their homesteads. These are collected from the folks over at Homesteading Today. In this bunch I think the last one is the best.

Never visit the goat pen with opened granola bars in your pocket. Trust me; goat-hoof-print shaped bruises on your forehead are very hard to explain away.

Don't go into the chicken yard in bare feet. The smell of chicken manure doesn't wash off skin readily.

Never let your kids tie their squirrel dog to a little red wagon at the top of a hill. You will laugh hysterically at the "Grinch dog" running frantically downhill from the wagon...until the wagon runs over the dog and tangles in the leash. The dog will not be happy, the kids will be freaked out, and you will pee your pants.

Don't hold a pick-axe over your head because the cat ran into your target zone.
The axe head is heavy and your once delicate little hands will call you nasty names for days after having been hit with the axe head sliding down the handle.

Don't expect your kids to turn off the water hose completely. Do expect to bob for your watermelons.

Do not forget your tack room door is open. You will see a horse walking across the yard with a chewed, EXPENSIVE, saddle in his teeth.

Do not leave a hammer lying around near a mouthy horse. He will grab the hammer and swing it at you.

Do not try to shear a sheep with a pair of house-hold scissors. It really will take HOURS, your fingers will blister and the sheep will look terrible. I have pictures to prove it! lol!

Do not step on the end of a rake. It really will fly up and smack you in the face just like on cartoons.

Don't think you can catch an untamed filly by tying a rope to a horse shelter and throwing the other end around her neck!! The horse shelter falls down and you have a major rodeo on your hands (for the record I was a kid and really didn't know better).

Do not buy pygmy goats without researching their fencing needs first. The smaller ones really are harder to keep in than the bigger ones. My van, bushes and deck are trashed. But the zoo has 3 nice new goats!!

Never allow a Mexican fighting steer in your front yard when you have glass doors; he will see himself in the glass doors and you will be replacing said glass doors and have a mad steer inside your house.

Try to think of what you are going to say ahead of time for when you show the in-laws your prize goat and he proceeds to pee on his face and service himself.

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